You see this? I’ve got an itch that only a post-it can scratch.
— Young Richard explaining why he is scratching the top of his hand with a yellow post-it note.
Don’t let Mike tell you what to do. You have a beard now, you’re your own man.
— Young Richard urging a reluctant co-worker to put together his
Airzooka.
Sign up for a dentist? Everyone’s doing it.
— Young Richard makes $25 for every patient he refers to his dentist.
Cashbackr, leave out the “e” for savings.
The rice cakes have turned on me.
— YR, eyes watering, while choking on some rice cakes.
A bunch of my friends have birthdays in February. That’s like 9 months from Cinco De Mayo.
— Young Richard on birthdays.
The Easter eggs have been there since Easter.
Young Richard was told to clean his desk before leaving work on Friday. Today is Monday, and the following things remain after the cleaning:
- R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet DVD
- An empty box of “Gifu” norwegian black liquorice.
- A yellow pad of paper which suffers from water damage.
- A large manilla envelope.
- A smaller manilla envelope (empty).
- Computer memory which YR tried installing 3 months ago.
- A binder filled with crinkled white paper.
- Halo for the xbox.
- Some yellow rope.
- A blue pen, a black pen, two dry erase markers.
- Carrot juice.
- A glass of water sitting on a pad of post-it notes. The post-it notes are also suffering from water damage.
- A stick of deodorant.
- Two or three CDs.
- A rubber band.
- 1 of 2 screws used to hold YR’s computer case closed. The other screw has gone missing.
- A nametag the COO used for a conference many months ago.
- A white wire. It’s unclear what the purpose is, but I do remember the COO asking if anyone wanted it before she threw it out. YR gave it a home.
- An audio wire.
- Various parts of a yellow and neon green children’s toy.
- A plastic socket intended to fit into a hole in the desk through which wires are run. The socket sits on top of the desk but wires have been run through the hole.
- Plenty of dust, food particles, and small shreds of paper.
Nice bowl of lettuce you got there. Why don’t you step into a man’s world?
— Young Richard, before slowly and deliberately revealing a large strawberry-banana smoothie.
Young Richard takes 6 pumps of melon in his “Grande Passion Iced Tea with Six Pumps of Melon.”
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
YR hasn’t changed his voicemail passcode since being hired. I changed his greeting a few weeks ago. Today he received a voicemail from a very scared engineer.
